Life Changes

Today and in general in the past weeks, I have been realizing the life changes that expecting a baby are bringing about. Sometimes this is quite terrifying. I wonder if I am really ready for this. Will we be good parents and that sort of thing. I keep dreaming about the baby. Last night I dreamed it was going to be a girl, the night before it was a boy. . .

I want to be a light to the people around me, I don't want to live a normal life here in Latvia, and get sucked into my own self centered world. I came to Latvia with a missionary heart. I want to always be sensitive to the needs and the tasks God has for me.

I sometimes feel I'm in an odd place, as if I stand in a place to see into two worlds and feel with both of them. As a foreigner I see the reasons and ways foreigners feel and act the way they do, and the sometimes odd and perhaps offensive things we do. As well as our large country syndrome that Latvians describe us and Russians as having. Yet when with Latvians and watching others, say Russians, or foreigners who come here, I feel also like I am observing and can see the ways both sides are feeling. Does that makes any sense? Sometimes I feel my pride coming in and wondering at the odd things that the Latvians do, other times I wonder at the weird ways we Americans are.
Strange.

But in regards to entering into the new role of becoming a mom, I wonder how this will change my perspective? Will I still desire to focus on others? I hope so. I don't want to be only focused on myself and my family, but is that the desire God has for wives? Perhaps so, I know I should be doing my best at both. I feel I have become very inward focused as I try to take good care of myself and baby. . . I wonder if this is normal?

Anyway these are the musings of my heart this Saturday afternoon.

Everyone on this planet, well at least everyone remotely connected with us has an opinion about where we should have our baby. . .Today the neighbor came over to try and convince me that I should go to one certain doctor and that Janis does NOT need to be at the birth because I will bawl him out and say all kinds of nasty things. Janis wants to be there, and I want him there too! I told the neighbor not all women do that.

A friend of ours just had her baby at home with the same midwife as I have. They had an excellent experience, and it went very smoothly. I hope when our time comes it will be wonderful too. . . God has a perfect plan for this I know!