I am blessed.
I know I am.
I am thankful.
I know I should be more so.
Yet so often of late I feel unhappy, perhaps even bitter.
I have the strong suspicion that is has to do with reentry into this land I have called home the last 10 years.
And don't get me wrong- I like it here.
I love the life I have been blessed with. 3 kids- a native husband.
Yet, when returning here, from my land of birth. .. .
Sometimes I grumble.
It is dark here in winter, and the days are way too short.
I find the darkness seeping into my heart.
People aren't as optimistic.
I find myself irritated by this, comparing them to those who surrounded me back "home."
But most of all I know that the real reason I ache is I miss my family.
I miss being able to talk with them in real life and to see them play with my kids.
I miss the life we could have had together.
And yet all the time I beat myself up mentally knowing that it was my choice to come here.
And it was my choice to have the life I have.
And it is my choice and I AM happy.
And I don't want to complain.
And I do want people to know I am content- most days.
Yet- I miss . . . .
And so today I will choose thankfulness.
I will rejoice for those days I was blessed with to see the family I love.
I will choose to make sunshine and be light.
I will fail.
I will stumble.
I will never forget or completely accept this distance or these losses.
But I will live. . .
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