When the end of the year rolls around and a new one comes I always
need to find some time to sit, reflect, journal, read the Word and
pray.
And as I have pondered the last year and face
the present one I realized that there has been a lot of disappointment
in my life the last year. Disappointment with people, expectations not
met, etc.
The more I have thought on this the more I
realized that people, those I love, family, and especially myself always
are falling short of the hopes and expectations I have for them.
The obvious solution must be I expect too much.
But then I find myself not wanting to settle for less, or mediocre, or second-best.
There
must be a fine line between expecting too much- and keeping standards
high. I'm in the middle of trying to muddle though these thoughts.
But
then there is this pile of disappointment that has built over the past
year/s. In the past I have been quick to move on, quick to forgive, quick
to let go. But as I face things that I believe in, and as I see people
around me ruin themselves by poor choices and as I face motherhood I find
myself becoming more cautious. More slow to move on and more confused.
I
want to be free from the burden of carrying around past hurts. I want
to be pressing on towards Jesus and heaven and yet I have this baggage
or clutter of disappointments that I can't seem to figure out how to get
rid of.
What do you do when you get disappointed in
people? How do you respond afterwards? What do you do when people you
love shake the foundations of your views by the choices they make that
seem to you to be totally contrary to what they previously said?
In
these times I find myself so confused, and disillusioned. I want to move
on. Yet, the pain and the hurt still remains that this person did
this.. . Where does one put those feelings? Bury them? Ignore them? Deal
with them?
How?
And so I struggle
into this year, while trying to rid myself of some accumulated baggage
from the last year. I know that God has a good plan for me and a perfect
plan for making me the person he desires- through all of this
confusion.
Funny, I would ask you those questions :-) You seem to be much better at dealing with things/emotions than I am! One thing I have learned though (mostly from working in a church, but also just life in general) is that we have to let people make the choices they are going to make. We do our best to encourage, challenge, correct, etc... but ultimately what people do is between them and God. Have you read "The Circle Maker"? I haven't read it yet, but we talk about it at work some. "It's not in my circle." There are things we could get involved with, put our influence on, share our thoughts, etc...but really, is that what God wants us to do? Is that in the circle of what He's given us? Obviously family is in our circle, but are all the decisions they make in our circle? It's hard to watch people do things we don't agree with...especially when we thought we were all on the same page. But the decisions have been made and they are the ones who will have to live with the rewards or consequences of their decisions. Again, ultimately it's between them and God. Take your disappointments to Jesus. Lay them at the foot of the cross and keep a loose grip on those you love. Jesus loves them more - they are His. I know this sounds much easier to do than it actually is. It's so hard and I doubt we'll ever get it right here on earth. If there's anything I've learned this year it's something you've been trying to teach me for almost 14 years...deal with your emotions. God already knows what you're feeling so let it all out! (By the way, I'm still really bad at this...but I'm trying!) Love you friend :-)
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